The
sales staff at the Abercrombie and Fitch store on
Oxford Street thought I was insane.
“Yes
sir, we have plenty of different t-shirts with
Abercrombie inked on”.
“No”
I said, “I just want an Abercrombie”
“All
our products have Abercrombie written somewhere
sir, it is part of our brand” was the reply.
“I
want an actual Abercrombie,” I shouted down the
phone.
“But
sir, everything is actually Abercrombie, we are
the actual designer store!”
And
so it went on, all because my new boss had told me to buy something I'd never heard of.
It
was extremely difficult to obtain the relevant
insurance documents that Neville required, as I didn’t own the car. I
had
borrowed it from a friend when I arrived. However twenty-five years in
Sales,
Marketing and Bullshit eventually won the day. So I had my licence,
insurance,
and new black suit. Common sense finally won overand the light came on, I bought a medium
length
black coat; an Abercrombie apparently. I arrived back at Precision Cars
office
on time and suitably attired and substantially poorer!
Neville met me at the door of
the office to check over my car. Although new in the industry, I had the
foresight to clean the vehicle. He was happy and
we went into the dinghy office to meet the controllers and other members
of
staff. The Gypsy Queen’s name was Daniella and she had been in the
business for
years. It seemed she new everything there was to know, and turned out to
be my
teacher and friend. The next person I met was Mitch; he looked like he
had just
gotten back from Woodstock. He had an earring and a flowery shirt,
medium
length greying hair and had a clipped English accent. He was also a
controller
(whatever that was) and was Danielle’s assistant. Next came a co
coordinator,
yeah I know! Job creation or what!! Then there was Albie, who was on his
way
home. Albie was the night manager and had just finished his shift. He
was about
fifty and balding, rotund with yellow nicotine stained fingers. He
welcomed me
with a vigorous handshake and a friendly grin saying “I’ll talk to you
tonight”. Then he was gone.
What
followed was a conversation about me as if I
wasn’t there.
“Let
him go to the BP garage at Hammersmith and
wait.” Daniella said to Neville.
“No,
it’s difficult to get to as it is on a dual
carriageway.” He replied.
Yes
but he’s got to work it out somehow, it’s a good
holding area and it’s ideal for the gyratory and for Heathrow and
Fulham.” She
said
“Send
him around the back of the hospital and he’ll
find it.” Mitch piped up.
“Look”
said Daniella “there’s a job here picking up
from the Disney building going to Heathrow. He can do that and then help
with
that two car job at T4 later”
T4,
gyratory, holding area, shit! What ‘am I doing
here? I thought.
Neville
handed me a name board and a receipt book and
then scrawled a diagram on a piece of paper and muttered, “if you found
your way
here, you’ll find this place. It’s a large garage on the way out of
London,
near Hammersmith. Hang around there until we call you”.
“Ok”
I said and headed for my car.
I
found the garage quite easily, after a convoluted
trip around the back of a hospital. Charing Cross hospital in Fulham!
Yeah, go
figure. This is one of the many confusing things about London; places
weren’t
where they should be. Just to make life difficult for me they put
Hammersmith
Hospital in Shepherds Bush and Chelsea Football Club on Fulham High
Street.
The
first job came in via my mobile phone, Mitch was
chattering in my ear.
“Go
to the Disney building and take a Mr. Smythe to
terminal 3. Call us when you get there”.
“Ok,
where is it and what time should I be there?” I
asked.
“It’s
the middle of the Hammersmith Gyratory, The
building is shared with Coca Cola. Turn left out of the garage, down the
slip
round and you’re on the Gyratory, circle the building on your right and
your
there. Go now.” The phone went dead. More confusion.
I
set of and quickly realised that the directions
Mitch had given me were spot on. The building was in fact circular and
incorporated a shopping centre and a tube station below ground. Above
ground,
the building was circular, half being Coke and the other half, Disney.
There
was a small waiting area, so I parked the car and went to reception to
ask for
my first passenger. He was waiting for me in the foyer; I led him out to
the
car, put his bag in the boot and opened the rear passenger door for him.
I had
already noticed signs for Heathrow on route, so at least I set off in
the right
direction. The way to the airport is well signposted so I dropped Mr.
Smythe at
terminal 3 without any problem and phoned the office.
I
was in trouble as soon as the phone was picked up
and I’d identified myself. Mitch’s voice was in my ear again.
“You
didn’t call me p.o.b.” he said.
“What”
‘You
must call p.o.b. Anyway go to terminal 4, you
will see one of our drivers with a Precision Cars name board. You will be meeting 7 passengers between
you. Take them to The Park Lane Hilton”.
The
phone went dead again. I decided this guy must
have been smoking something that killed the manners cells in his brain,
and
what was p.o.b?
In
the massive Arrivals Hall at terminal 4, were
probably 40 individuals in dark suits with name boards and mobile
phones. They
were standing alongside a barrier, which formed a walkway for arriving
passengers. I started to read the various company names on the boards
looking
for one saying Precision Cars, and there it was, at the end of the line a
few
feet away from the rest.
The
person holding the board was about 6’ tall with
broad shoulders, goatee beard and moustache. He was wearing a black suit
and
wrapped around his head was a Lime Green Turban. He resembled a cross
between
Sadam Hussein and one of Ali Baba’s thieves. He was truly an awesome
sight.
I
walked up to him, offered my hand and said “Hello
I’m Pete, just joined the company”.
“17”
he replied.
“17
what?” I asked.
“It’s
my number.”
So
that’s how it’s going to be, we are just numbers,
great, had I been given a number? I couldn’t recall; But I decided there
and
then I wouldn’t just be a number, I would not be stereotyped, I would be
different! Yeah, right.
The
passengers arrived and 4 of them were brave enough to get into Ali Baba
17’s
car. The other three came with me. I only knew that the hotel was on one
side
of the Monopoly Board, so I stuck to the Turbanator like glue............