Extracts from a Chauffeur's Journal

My Alpine Adventure 4

Today is my anniversary! I have been in the French Alps one whole week, and so far so good. The sun is beating down, the sky is blue and it's -5c. The only problem is there is no white stuff, no snow, no powder, so the clients are complaining. In fact the locals are complaining, as are the workforce. For someone like me, who has spent most his life in Africa hiding from snow and anything else remotely cold, this is hard to understand. It seems everybody (except me) is here for the snow, how bizarre. Whenever people ask me if I ski or board and I answer in the negative, they look at me as if I'm insane. For those of you who haven't read my previous blogs on this subject, I am here to transfer people to and from the snow and therefore make some money.

I have had a strange week of training, some interesting some boring. The thing is, airport transfers are airport transfers. They work the same which ever country you are in during peacetime and lets face it, it's always going to be pretty much war free in Geneva. So all the theory training was something that’s become second nature to me, after 8 years doing the same or similar in London (currently not war free). Hence the first two days of this week were boring. On the third day we started to learn where all the chalets are that we have to pick up from and drop of to. This was a mind fuck! Up hills,down hills,across streams, down lanes. Dodgy driveways and impossible approaches are the norm and many chalets do not have names outside because of elitism or some such bollocks. So that is going to be interesting as time goes by.

Thursday, nervous and worried as it's  Alpine Driving Course day. Classroom and then assessment with experienced British Traffic Cops. All these guys are qualified advanced drivers and Police accident inspectors, daunting; But not for me, thirty odd years of driving never had or knowingly caused an accident, yeah right! I was fine but some of the kids were worried. Yes kids, did I mention there are only three of us of middle years and two of them have been driving in the Alps for years. As I am self employed and have my own minibus I had to be tested separately, so was left until last, thats nerve racking!. Eventually it was my turn, I walked positively over to my van and suddenly realised I'd walked to the wrong side. There was no steering wheel there!! I swung into chauffeur mode and opened the door and stood back allowing the examiner to climb into the vehicle, then jogged around to the other side. Phew! After the initial scare it came together fine and the general rules are common sense and slow driving.

On Friday we all tootled of down the mountain to learn the pro's and con's of Geneva airport. Now remember, the mountain is in France and the airport in Switzerland. Consequently two insurances, two national speed limits. No three, France has two national speed limits; And god along with Sarkosy, know how the road tax works. There are police and border patrol everywhere, they just look at us with “I'll have you when you least expect it” eyes. We have to carry passport, drivers licence,insurance, work sheet and French mobile at all times. If work sheet isn't up to date and your stopped, big trouble!! Driving times and rest times are complex and I can't blame the French or Swiss for this, as it is governed by the EU. So the famous bureaucracy begins!

First transfer also, yesterday. A bunch of mad Ukrainians lost and legless, but rareing to go. No transfers today, Saturday, but a few tomorrow. So far so good!!

Evenings? Just me, Planet Rock, and Cadbury the cat. Landlady still flying. Bit lonely but I'll manage.

My Alpine Adventure 3

When I awoke this morning after my rigorous trek across France yesterday, the landlady was off on a alpine driving course. Probably the same one I am doing tomorrow. She had enough time to go thru' the various systems in the house with me before she left. Drop blinds to keep warmth in, keep doors closed and save on electricity etc.etc. Use wood at the front of the house. The wood at the back door is for aesthetics, the wood at the side of the house is built up to the window for Cadbury, the cat, to enter and leave! Cadbury doesn't like me, he runs whenever he sees me. This is a good thing.

The front door key to my new accomodation (which, by the way, is called Chalet Liberte).

As I played courier for some local residents and brought various goods and shackles over for the them, I thought I would start to rid myself of said items. Two are collecting and one I met in the next village, but not before the first disaster struck!

Landlady Linda had shown me how to reverse out of the driveway. So what did I do? Locked the vehicle to soon and to sharp and ended up with the front wheel stuck in 600mm of snow. I had noticed some oversized shovels by the door of the chalet, so of I trotted to fetch one. I managed to free the vehicle after moving moulds of snow and burning lots of clutch, only to catch the front corner bumper on a lamppost!! Never mind it's only paint.

My minibus is now parked away from the chalet at the top of the hill. There are no lampposts nearby and little snow. The wheels are turned correctly, it is in gear and the handbrake is not on, in case the cable freezes!

What next??

My Alpine Adventure 2

Last time I drove across France, autumn was leaving (excuse the pun) and winter arriving. The time before autumn was in full swing. The colours, green, brown, yellow and red are not only seen in Maine, but are as beautiful at that time of year in France also. This time central France is white with miles and miles of snow covered fields, punctuated by small forests offering some green from the pine trees, in this white wonderland. A few 4x4's parked on the edge of the woods suggest hunters looking for wild boar. Winter has arrived. This part of my journey was a welcome respite from the ferry crossing and the drive through Pays de Calais and Picardie.

The ferry was delayed for an hour, no reason given. Once on land, I won't use the cliché “dry land” because it wasn't, the weather was atrocious. They say the French look after their roads in winter, well they do, just!! The snow ploughs move along in pairs and remove snow from one lane and dump it on another, they use a massive amount of grit that seems to be mainly sand. So driving is in one lane and in three inches of slush. Average speed was about 20kph and less if you happen to be behind the ploughs. It took hours.

The last third of the trip can only be described as exciting. I was very tired by this stage, 6 hours behind the wheel plus another four since I had left my bed. The adrenalin kept me going for the last three hours, stunning scenery even in the twilight period. The steady ascent through tunnels and over viaducts west of Geneva was sensational. Turning off the main roads to start the climb up the mountain was fine. I thought I would be in for a challenge and was nervous. The narrow Route de Grandes Alps was busy and the road was perfectly clear of snow and slush. It had been done so well compared to Northern France; the snow was piled 2 to 3 feet on each side and there was no residue on the road whatsoever.

Finally arrived at my new home for the next 5 months. Had to wait for the landlady, she was in the local pub, can't really moan about that, now can I? Anyway she eventually pitched up and showed me around, tried to teach me how to get in and out of the driveway, much practice needed. The chalet is fantastic, fire in the kitchen and lounge, all wood panels, massive tv and sky! (No sky sports though).....

 

View from kitchen window!